Friday, November 17, 2017

fragments, transcribed from notebook, c.2007)

Oh face!
That to my vision as a floating flower came
arisen through dark water to the sunlit surface
--
Alas! I have no sense for beauty,
you have proved me blind as a clod of earth.
Stepping from behind, your face revealed, radiant
striking me silent, staring in awe
I wondered that before I have not seen
you
--
Although we have studied in the same room,
for weeks,
and although your face is radiant, beautiful,
such that seeing you at my side I was awed
into silent bewildered contemplation of your features,
although even from across a crowded mile
you would stand out to me as the most fair
it is only today I have seen you, only now, only this morning
as you stepped to stand beside me, and laughed lightly,
your eyes shining
--
Not to have seen you sooner, I must be blind
or a fool, to have so long stared at soil in the presence of a flower
--
I have too many days dwelt blind
Too long by
A flower bright and fragrant in a garden grew
I stood hard by but in its shadow, never knew
(I stood unwitting by)
--
Yes, oh, I stare
I do not reason eidelons
or attend idols
--
Forgive me, I stare
I do not hold up eidoloons
or idols
I worship you now
who are b-
because you are beautiful
as I face you
and I love you for your beauty
my own desire loves you
as you lay on the early autumn grass
in classic pose, your side curving
body full against your layered clothes
I sit on the earth, in shade
watching as you stretch
and lay akimbo
in the afternoon sun
I desire
without will to pursue
--
Long I tended the earth and weeds of my garden
laboring in the loam, dirt caking my nails
but found one day a flower blooming solitary in
bright and fragrant adorning the green hairs of the earth
amazed I knelt, beholding still and silent, awed out of action

Now returning each day to the garden the rows are ragged
I ignore the daily work, and tear good plants to pieces
searching for my bloom, to stare

--
my garden passes, ruined and rotting
where once I labored, my hands caked in earth
Since I beheld you, beauty, flower, bloom
adorning the green hair of my old love
(adorning her green hair, my old love earth)
who now seems dull, her green jewels(hair /strands /wig) dun and false
obstructions to the sight of your bright face
which, starving (ravished) I each day return to view
where I, each day, starving, seek your face to view
trampling in my hunger the crops I grew
--
my passing glance your glance attracts
repeating after in my memory and playing out
a frame to t-
that glance remains in mind
and there I study it and overlay
on it the empty papers of my mind's eye
to trace/rub an image on the contours of your look
the hope I hold for g-
--
in passing by I found your gaze cast free
and caught it
thought to catch it glimmering
and lovely
and jealous hoard it close away
but catching I was caught
and now am lost
--
in passing you have lent me looks
that jealous I have hoarded holding close
those glancdes minted in my memory to print
your image on my empty hours between
so memory and hope your image bear
and your look I hold that you have lent and left
and cont?ixi? continue?
those visions spent
--
in passing you have lent your look to me
that in your look I love
and thinking to catch am caught
your glance has covered all my world
but only return only look again on this and break again my world with that lok
and I caught by thee
will wake and be free
--
my garden ruined, rotting to barren soil
where once I broke my hands with worthy toil
since I your bloom beheld

laboring, my face downturned to the black earth
with green strands /jewels my old love's brow adorn
which once I labored to
now seem dull obstructions to your scorn

with green jewels I my old love's head adorned
her body caked my hands, my downcast eye
thought only she had worth

my downcast eyes the green-strung earth beheld
which filled my daily labors, caked my hands
and seemed...

No comments:

Post a Comment