dissidents in the house of plenty

That we are dissidents in the house of plenty
That we lacked something and our eyes were opened
That seeing, we surrendered
or surrendered something
Or of the world or of ourselves
Or yielded a desire
That we might keep room for seeing
But not enough
Never enough
Hungering makes us mad;
Wanting, resentful;
Having, guilty;
That the keepers should hold out to us an apple
Who have taken our horns
With promises of protection
They can not keep
We smell their sweat, see their eyes dilated
Darting
We are animals as they
They as we
We know their fear
as ours
But not what to do with it
Or ours
So we tear at ourselves
that Sometimes
In the night
And we deny each other small things
Certain names;
Words;
Ways
Each other first
Then ourselves
that We sneak some nights
To the larder
For a forbidden snack
A ham sandwich
Or a coca cola
Hide the evidence
Dream of bottled blood
that We curl sometimes
At the windowsill
Remembering when they could be opened
Or were those stories
Or also dreams
We wait for the house to fall
Promising ourselves we will laugh in the cold night
Promising each other stars
And forgiveness that can not be given now
Not here
Not to those who like us
Live

envy and jealosy for art from the comfort of an unmade bed

their poems are elegant

beautiful

universal

mine clunky

stumbling

those poems for allende

for hebron

for the wars between love and cruelty

these poems which circle like vultures

around a dead certainty

i have not traveled to see

the shrinking green

on the hills of jerusalem

i will not fight

but stay

immortal to my death

eating chocolate

thinking of sorrow

dreading cold

at last, at last

I grew up so grateful
to live free
at last
in the days beyond the end of
all the terrible things

I rejoiced to pray in ranks of the last
to have suffered

so lucky to know their stories
their struggles
before the sun dispersed
their final night

so lucky
to learn the songs
of the 60s
when hand in hand
so many rose
to lift me up

imagine! their smiles!
all our ancestors!
glowing
holding flowers,
blue bouquets,
 celebrating the dawn of this
eternal day